Missing You

I wish you could hear my crys, feel my soul.  Cause missing you is driving me up the wall.  Not knowing whats in store.  Only reiminesing of the times we had.  It just seems that I have been here before.  Lost and alone.  The silence left inside.

Ink Passions

My thoughts are embedded

Between the pores of ink droplets

Surfacing only when nib caresses paper

My ideas backstroke in this cylindrical container

Sometimes drowning in its fluidity

Other times s u r f a c i n g

Just so you can catch a glimpse

Of the depth of me

It is here that I scream in black and blue tones

Expressing sentiment only on thirsty parchment

Ready to absorb my passions

Sedated pages

Awaiting

The uncapping of my pen

And then…

The even flow of my mental convictions

Or the ramblings of my sublime illusions

Stirring lines to fill without end

As penmanship bleeds

Purging on book leaves

I am held prisoner in the rawness

Of poetry

For all eternity …My only escape is

This romance that stands against time

Between my pen and I

The desire that leaks when

Thoughts are cut and emotion bleeds

As verbs once held captive break free

Nouns plead

To lay upon waves of euphoria

Breaking on the shores of compound meanings

Carefully broken down

In non formatted verses...

I

Exist

Until the book closes

What people think

People always think I need a super hero and masked avenger..but really all I need is a champion.  Not a hero not someone that needs to be seen.  But someone who gets me.  Who realizes that I am just a normal girl dispite my style.

In you

I was in love a long time ago when things were simple, pure, untouched by the world.  A place I could call my own.  I remember when your face touched mine and when the air was sweet and all I heard was the chimes of wind.  It's so funny how now I can revisit those times now in the present.  Feels like time never passed and that everything stood still.  When I am with you, I feel a deep calm a quiet refuge, that I can call my own.

Confused

So I can't figure out which way to go.  Can't understand your point of view.  Knowing you is kinda not like knowing me.  Indecisive not ready to speak.  You leave the thought of you in my mind.  But yet your not the fore front of my thoughts it seems.  It seems to be only left up to me. 

How I wish I could stop saying the same old things, I wish you could be what I want you to be.  Confused about everything.  There is no way, no way...You could get me back now.  Cause your too complicated.  So things remain the same.

Blocked Wall

You block my affections as if I have nothing to give.  Only taking in with what your eyes can see. But not realizing the only less you see. I believed in you the time in me, the time spent, time lost.  The blocked wall you have built not letting no one in.  I don't see a point in this.  Lets just let it fade away.

Giving In

Giving into you only to see a cold face.  Holding on to the words that I held in this empty place. Not giving into me nor you.  Leading you on with the false truths.  Making it seem that maybe I am not even me inside.  Knowing that maybe the time is not right for now, maybe later we shall see.  Not knowing inside the depths of me the lingering of truth that only I can see.   This is funny beginning in this place.  You seem unsure not giving me time nor space.  Here I go again, searching for something that is not there.  Giving in with no place to go.  This is why I hold on to what is mine, not giving into you nor me.

Tension

All the passion turned to tension and all the fun turned to bickering and then he withdrew.



He went cold and got angry.



Suddenly, I realized I didn’t feel all that warmly towards him either.



He thought I was being controlling, and I thought he wasn’t cutting it.



We were both right.



Overfunctioning is doing too much.



It's doing more than your share, stepping in to help, stepping up to rescue.



It's offering before being asked, giving instead of giving back.



It's trying to manage your life and get things done by playing all the parts in the relationship -- both your part and his.



Overfunctioning is a deeply unsatisfying thing.



Trying to play your man's part in the relationship as well as yours (like I did) creates tension and conflict -- and even if you could succeed at it, you wouldn’t like the results.



If you turn your man into a puppet you can manipulate, you’re not going to like him very much.



You’ll have clean dishes and no garbage, and a Saturday night date at the restaurant and movie of your choice, but look -- your man will be a puppet!



Not much fun there.



So -- do you deserve a red-blooded, real, strong minded, secure, responsible, respectable, thoughtful, and caring man?



Or do you only deserve a shadow of yourself?



Can you allow yourself to be loved by a man who can really love?



Or can you only sign up with a man who makes it one-third the way to you and then expects you to pick up the slack?



By always picking up the slack -- and I know it always seems like what needs doing is urgent and important -- what you get by doing it all yourself is mostly your own feeling of resentment.



You don’t get the appreciation we all crave -- you get coldness, anger, and withdrawal.



It seems so unfair to put ourselves out, to be helpful, and then get what feels like a slap in the face.



And yet, what we’re really getting is the safe place (unpleasant as it is) of avoiding finding out what our men are really made of.



By always cutting to the chase and doing everything ourselves –- or directing how it’s done –- we put up a wall between ourselves and our men that keeps us from getting what we all say we really want: The Big Ticket Items –- Love, Affection, Romance, Trust, Harmony, Peace, the ability to Negotiate anything.



(And I mean anything.)



By always stepping in, we guarantee that our lives with our men will always be about the small stuff –- the nuts and bolts of life, and not the deep, soul-satisfying stuff that we come together in relationships and marriage to get. If what we want is soul connection, we have to stop Overfunctioning.



Since childhood, we've been labeled, taught, tricked, bribed and prodded, been threatened by all forms of authority, told what's true and what isn't, and disrespected for everything from our feelings to our thoughts.



Our relationships have been more about pleasing others than pleasing ourselves.



More about struggling and using our wits to get what we need and what we think we want than discovering what it is we really want.



Many of us don’t even really believe we deserve a great relationship.



Well, we do.



We all do.



And we don’t need to do anything to deserve it.



We just deserve it.



No earning required.



If we can stop doing so much and stop resenting doing so much, our relationship will get better instead of falling apart.



Try it.

Untouchable

You came for what you wanted and now you're gone. I have not tried to understand, nor try to console the emptiness I feel. I hoping that one day you will see what a person you have become. I may have changed you without you noticing, but maybe you may see something that wasn't there.

But now you can not touch me, now you can not feel me, you left untouchable.....






Now you can search far and wide for something that isn't there. Believeing in something that was not attainable. Yes my artifcial happiness is where I remain. You kept trying to take me off my path, while I set you on yours. I can not have more than enough, what more I am I left to gain?






But now you can not touch me, now you can not feel me, you left untouchable.....

You look to me with a straight face thinking you have me, but no! I have left a longtime ago with no feeling, no remorse all that was left was my grace walking out the door. You say to me, But you were doing the same? No, you thought I had my heart in it, you thought that I would've given my soul to you. I have not. I have left it some place sacred, on a sacred plain of where broken dreams stay.

But now you can not touch me, you cannot feel me, you left untouchable....

Its so funny how beg to see me, to be by my side. But when I was waiting you did not see, when I was there, you dared not to care. So much easier when I was there, but now I am gone....you're left without me, untouchable.

.

Memories...

The memories of you, I hang on tight to, to feel the special place in me exposed unreal and at peace.  I know that maybe in me you can see the feelings that we were once meant to be.  The honest truth inside of me that lingers on and lets me be me.  I know you have a place for me in your heart and in your life it seems.  Giving me a space in you where I can find my inner truths.  Dedicated to the times and only linger inside my mind.  I know that in me you will find a true love that will stand the test of time.  In trusting you I see, that only time can keep me from shattering.  In this all we have is true, is there also a little something in side of you?  I am giving you my heart, so I hope you give me yours.  Don't let me stand here and let my face turn blue with the darkest hour only left in view.  Give to me in my hour of need and you will have a true lover, friend indeed.

From the Beginning

From the begining of time I have felt your face, I have felt your kiss.  Only knowing the feel and smell of your embrace. Is this the home I have been waiting for? The feeling that I know that I can linger onto?  I know the moment we met, the things I felt, that linger on in the breeze.  Gone again, now faded.  I will always miss you time again.  But only the memories last...

From the Inside

Running from things I can not understand, listening to my heart with only things left unsaid between you and I.  Leaving with parts of myself not knowing which way to turn.  Going to each end of the circle watching it get wider and wider.  Giving to me and not you?  Which way can I find the silence in my heart. I cannot hide.  Giving to me and not to you....its a sad and honest truth that form you and me. 

Fate

Deep inside I cannot hide the feelings that I have left inside. It freaks me out that the empty space I feel maybe filled by you indeed. I don't understand the standing place, the place inside that calls my name that hears my fears. The place in me that finds no escape. The shell of an outside place.