Well

There are things in me left unsaid that are not normal, in which i can barely breath.  I leave inside the hurt I feel not knowing if I can really heal.  Breaking inside, slipping away...the hurt you have caused still remains...

Empty

There are some parts of me that wish I was dead.  Not thinking about life or the people in it.  Just ending it all without a look or a glance.  Forgetting who I am like I never existed.  Letting go of a life that I never wanted.  Emptiness finds me, sorrow consumes me.  Giving into a space that is cold and unfeeling, wrapping my sadness with it. 

You

The way I imagine you in my mind is the way I see myself.  Distant but close, far but near.  I remember your smell, our life together.  I seem to remember the joy and sorrows that might have swayed my mind.  Ahhh in this moment with the dim light brushing against your face.  I take a deep breath trying not to exhale to keep the moment in.  I am afraid to feel this, I might just take a step back.  Pause for a moment.  Stand still.

Trapped Inside

Your words have no presence here... silence speaks volumes, there is nothing left here for you to take. 

Only inside my thoughts of you I can replace.

Different

Its so funny how I sit and wonder why...when I can't seem to find what I am looking for, but what am I looking for exactly? Someone different, not like all the others....



But it seems that when all I get is more of the same, but it turns into nothing more than having someone else to blame, but only myself I maintain? To understand and realize is it me, that needs to change? NO!!....The truth is I don't belong here...standing out too much...afraid of the stares...not realizing the star you held hands with, was truely a star in the making....who could magically turn your dreams into a current reality....so make your wish, say it twice...the proof was there in front of you....

Not realizing that inside of me there is much more than just the present. I dream of the future, I plan for the future....unlike the others...walking towards it, keeping an ambitious pace so that I can get rid of this empty space. So busy moving toward outerspace, while the normal people stay here on earth with a solemn face.

Such a shame no one can keep up with my pace, left a alone in this space, I can only call this my place, my home, in the sky with the stars....

Ease the Pain

I have kicked you out of my heart and asked you to leave. Everytime I let you in, you take away my love with you.

Oh how can I ease this pain?

I feel all alone, on the floor, on my knees in pain. I have to find the strength to stay way.  Out and in and in you go,  I feel the fire...then I lose my self control. 

I need to ease the pain...

I try to hold on but you keep knocking at my door.  Everytime I let you in, you take control and take what you can.  But I refuse to love you again. 

If its not love that you have come for, why are you here?  When you have someone else to love you.  Give me all or nothing at all. 

I need to ease this pain in my heart. 

sad heart

Belonging inside not listening to my heart beat.  Only in the mind my heart speaks.  Understanding within my heart, it has not healed. It only has a beat that is silent.

Nice Guy

Someone told me last night oh you just need to go out and find a nice guy to be with.  Yes, I am sure that every guy I met was an asshole.  No, they were all nice guys just burnt by passed flames.  All fundamentally the same cookie cuter framing, with the same game plan.  Nice guy you say? what store can I find that in.  What year, make and model can I get that in?  Easier said than done, instead just more of the same.  Oh I wish I was more choosier before....not so care free. 

Beginning to feel resentment and false hope for the pain that has scared me inside, because of the hurt from others.  And those others that caused thier hopes and dreams to be dashed. 

unsure

Living in this place that no can touch not belonging anywhere special.  Living a lie that I only can create.  Becoming nothing more than what I am.  Giving myself, lending a helping hand.  Begining to regret unlimited time.  I have had enough of this air space, enough of this time.

Me

Regergitated by the fame, only resentment in me occurs, not believing in the hype, letting you call me what you might.  Not giving into what we might be or what we are not.  Only letting you see that the heart in me that is not the same. 

Beat me down, bring me up.  The only thing I feel in me is nothing at all.  Boys only making excuses of why they can't or why they can be, of the reasons why they won't.  I can't hear my feelings, I know I have died within.  I wish didn't have to feel disappointment,  I wish I could feel the courage within, that I might have left inside.

  I wish I needed nothing else to fill this empty space, just the food I ate.  I hate the fact there is nothing in me...  The hate I feel are the things that only my eyes can see.  I am stuck in this body with no where to go.  To only feel trapped, but only resentment in me that occurs.  I wish I could hide from me, to give into something that could set me free.  I am so sick of this place that only shelters only my thoughts.....